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Gary Campbell
Kevin Carlyon

Loch Ness Personalities – a necessarily short description of the good, the bad and the ugly (and not necessarily presented in that order!) who are relevant to the monster and the loch.

  1. Bremner, Ronald - Deceased: Was owner of the “Official Loch Ness Exhibition” (which became Loch Ness 2000) and not to be confused with The Original Loch Ness Exhibition next door, which in turn became Nessieland. Interestingly there appears to have been nothing “official” about the Official Exhibition and rival Mr. Skinner's Original Exhibition came afterwards, not as its name would suggest! Confused? So are we. Recently his naughty offspring has got into hot water by posting bogus and fake reviews of his business onto a prominent online webguide. The underhand attempt to up their ratings was exposed by The Sunday Times and The Scotsman.
  2. Cameron, Willie (known locally as "The Rat"): Does marketing stuff about Loch Ness.
  3. Campbell, Gary: Esteemed local celebrity and all round Loch Ness VIP. As President of The Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club Gary is feted by the world’s media and aside from Mikko, probably provides the most knowledgeable commentary and professional opinion about Nessie. Gary’s easy manner and deep knowledge of the area and the monster is envied by many of his critics and those who aspire to be as prominent as him. If Gary was Japanese he'd probably be made a living legend.
  4. Carlyon, Kevin: High Priest of British White Witches. Kevin was first invited to the area to put a protective spell on Nessie when Swedish monster hunter Jan Sundberg arrived to try and capture her. Kevin’s spell was 100% successful and Sundberg’s expedition was a flop.
  5. Harmsworth, Tony: Helped out in the early days at the Official Loch Ness Exhibition. He has had a chequered business career and a few unhappy business relationships in the area. He was bursar at Fort Augustus Abbey which folded up with terrible financial difficulties. The monks all had to disband. Tony now drives a sort of minicab.
  6. Kettle, Professor: Eminent academic and veteran Loch Ness Monster hunter.
  7. Oram, Neil: – Some say he is “the furthest out brain in Britain”, whatever that means. He has written a very long and dull autobiographical play full of tales of drug taking sprinkled with a hotchpotch of homespun and disjointed mysticism. In 2000, the Highland News dubbed him a “self-styled guru” who presides over a “cult” in the hills above Loch Ness and they reported local worries when a young man was found dead hanging from a close-by tree - having committed suicide, it is said, “after showing too much interest” in one of several young women who live with the aging cultist. Tony Harmsworth (above) offers his fares a ride up to the hippy camp where, it seems, Neil tries to flog signed photos of himself for forty quid!!!
  8. Plume, Professor: Eminent academic who heads up his Loch Ness research Project and has spent a lifetime researching the ecosystems and geology of the area.
  9. Raynor, Dick: Carried out some homespun research in Loch Ness and allegedly captured some camera footage of a duck swimming in it many, many years ago.
  10. Shine, Adrian: Apparently a Nessie non-believer who, without formal scientific qualifications, has nonetheless sought to demonstrate that Nessie does not exist (a futile exercise since surely EVERYONE knows Nessie does exist don’t they?!) Sadly he was permitted to use the Loch Ness 2000 exhibition to these ends. We don’t think its message is very good for tourism and this piece in the Scotsman newspaper agrees with us. In June 2005 two journalists wrote that they were “shocked at the failure to capitalise on Scotland's most intriguing legend - except, of course in the oversized gift shop.” You can make up your own minds if you want to be told about plankton in his self-styled yawn show or choose instead to visit Nessieland next door – which is entertaining and pro-Nessie.
  11. Skinner, Donald: Set up a rival exhibition to Bremner's (see above) and called it the Original one. Confused? So are we. At least Donald stays on message and tells people about Nessie so if you must visit a Loch Ness Monster Exhibition then we suggest you visit the Original one (now called "Nessieland") and not the increasingly dated and lacklustre Loch Ness 2000 next door.
  12. Takala, Mikko: Your humble and modest webmaster of Nessie on the Net! and developer of the Officially Original Loch Ness Livecams. Mikko’s website is involved with many Loch Ness research projects and “scientific” investigations. Mikko’s intricate knowledge of the monster and Loch Ness is, quite possibly, only rivalled by Gary Campbell but Mikko definitely takes the edge. Mikko makes no apologies for his friendship with Professor Kettle and Professor Plume, both eminent and highly respected academics who have real letters behind their names and who, like Mikko, don’t have beards.

Please email corrections or omissions to Requests to be included in this roll of honour will only be considered when received from self-important Loch Ness people.