Amazing discovery of radiation beneath Loch Ness

Researchers using nothing more technical than an old oil drum and bits of plastic toilet pipe have cored into the silt beneath the surface of Loch Ness and discovered chemical and radioactive deposits. These are believed to come from the exhaust emissions of impacting meteorites, UFO and military stealth aircraft, which are regularly spotted by locals and visitors to the area.

A researcher told the Loch Ness Inquirer about their efforts: "we initially thought we were dealing with pollution from the recent Japanese nuclear accident or Chernobyl. What quickly became apparent was the massive quantity of kineton particles, which are very rare on earth but frequently turn up in meteorites originating in the Van Allen belt and low gravity drives.

The core samples were taken from a number of locations a few feet beneath the surface. "Most of what we turn up is just rubbish, old tin cans, car engines etc.", said the researcher, "but every now and again we find very strange bone shaped objects and chemical deposits that we cannot explain".

The Loch Ness Inquirer has been informed that the quantity of radiation is tiny and there is not thought to be any risk to public health. The radiation researcher added "obviously we hope that in the future the military spy planes and UFOs will take a more responsible attitude towards safeguarding the environment. The emissions are small but should be cleaned up altogether".

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